Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.

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(817): View more from Texas

just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.

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(516): View more from New York

what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?

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(727): View more from Florida

i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner

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(206): View more from Washington

I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week

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