The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
