You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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