The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im just a social blackout drinker.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
