Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
