i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
