so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
