I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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