Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
