Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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