found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
