Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we're chasing vodka with high fives
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
