i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
