i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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