You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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