woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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