My hair reeks of homosexuality.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
