We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
