3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
