i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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