im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
