I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
