Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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