i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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