Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
