my mouth tastes like poor choices
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
