Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
