I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
