They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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