you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
