I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
