I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
