Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
