Welp...herpes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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