NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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