Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
