i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
