I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Houston, we have a blender
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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