forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
