this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
