dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
