Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
