Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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