the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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