they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
