what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
