The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
