Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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