dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
