On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
