Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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